“You don’t have to forgive someone, but you gain so many benefits if you do. If you learn how forgiveness works, then you’re on the path to forgiving the world, your enemies, and yourself.”
Ed Latimore
I quoted Ed Latimore’s recent post on forgiveness because it is the inspiration for this post here. There is the cliche that we hear commonly, “Forgive and forget”, but never do we take an opportunity to realize just how difficult that is for the average person to do.
Forgiveness is not just moving on from wrongdoing acted upon one’s self. Forgiveness is the pain being relieved from one’s soul so that one can achieve peace with the world.
There are times in everyone’s life where someone, maybe yourself, has to be forgiven for wrongdoing. This could be due to a betrayal of one’s trust or a failure to live up to another’s expectations, or another reason.
It’s very common to see people holding grudges against another, having animosity. Forgiveness is a tool to protect one’s self from feeling this way. Holding in one’s anger and acting kindly towards a person one has hostility towards can very likely end in a cathartic outburst.
Physiologically, when the mind is not at peace, cortisol is released from the adrenal gland in your brain, causing stress. Stress signals in the body cause the rest of the body systems to act irregularly. Blood pressure increases, immune response levels decrease, possible loss of appetite, and increased risk for obesity.
Keys to Forgiving
In order to forgive another, it cannot be a superficial act of forgiveness. This scenario we all know well, a parent or authority figure forcing us as a child into apologizing for something you did when in reality you don’t feel remorse, and the other child forced to accept your apology and “forgive you”. That is superficial forgiveness.
Real, genuine forgiveness comes after the realization that the wrongdoer has (intentionally or unintentionally) wronged a person in a way they could have prevented, and the forgiver is in a true mindset of clarity and virtue. Genuine forgiveness comes with a few points that the forgiver not only has to be aware of, but come to terms with.
- Take nothing personally.
- Any counteraction against the person that wronged the forgiver will not change what has already happened.
- Everyone is always acting to achieve their goals.
A few more notes are mentioned in Ed Latimore’s post linked at the top.
Taking Nothing Personally
This is more of a broader topic, but as a general statement, taking things personally will only corrupt the mind. Understand the world is a much larger place beyond the self, and in most cases one cannot determine how other people will act towards another. Someone can be the most respectful person in your area, but if they have stuff that other people don’t, that person has to understand the greed of others will affect their behavior in ways they cannot change.
Take the self out of each situation, and see the motivations behind everyone. What do they want from life? Money, love, attention, respect, or maybe something else that you or others may or may not be able to provide.
Don’t Counteract
Acting against a forgivable act shows nothing other than a lack of will. Revenge is a dopamine release for your brain, something that is a sort of guilty pleasure. In reality, nothing inherently good comes out of revenge against another. Understand that was has already happened cannot be undone. The possible pain and hurt that you or others might’ve felt is something that must be remembered, but not acted upon.
Understand Motives
When one understands that everyone has an agenda, and that agenda’s are not exclusive to wrongdoers, the world becomes an easier place to conceptualize. It’s hard to imagine a person, when one thinks about it, that does not have any desires. These desires do not have to be in one’s own interest, but there are desires nonetheless. In order to achieve one’s desires requires action, action that resulted in wrongdoing against another.
It is not the wrongdoer that should be looked down upon, rather, the self should be better prepared to protect against wrongdoing and prepare to act for their own desires rather than having others’ desires acted upon them.
Summary
Forgiveness starts with understanding. If you do not wish to understand the wrongdoer or the universe, then forgiveness is not within one’s capabilities. Take nothing personally, understand the past is the past, and that everyone has an agenda that they won’t compromise.
This concludes this post on forgiveness. Some new news regarding the blog is that there will be a A Look Around Podcast being uploaded to YouTube in the first week of January. This is with the intention of having a new podcast uploaded once a week following the first.
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Take care of yourself and someone else,
-Brandon
A Look Around Blog 